This weekend really was the weekend best forgotten but it gives me the opportunity to tell you about one of my other pastimes……….the ‘pandemic jumper’ and what I do when I can’t go anywhere and have to stay in.
This weekend I really have had my adventuring wings clipped as I’ve been in hospital for a colonoscopy and it was a delight. You see, it’s not all adventure after 50, some things do start going slightly downhill, but luckily nothing too serious that can’t be managed with a few dietary adjustments, and I’ve already tested my resilience to ice cream and alcohol and it went well so it’s not all doom and gloom.
However, the weekend was an issue for me as there are three things I’m not good at, in fact, I’m really quite bad at them, and that’s not adventuring on a weekend, early mornings on a Sunday, and not eating. So, roll all three into one weekend and you have a pretty miserable me.
So firstly, 24 hours without food! Oh my goodness, food is my hobby, I love making food, I love eating food and I can actually read a cook book instead of a work of fiction book and get just as much pleasure out of it. Twenty four hours without food was quite an issue. So mid-morning on Saturday I had my piece of plain white sliced toast as part of my low fibre pre day-surgery diet knowing it was my final snack until Sunday afternoon. You know the type of bread I mean, it is like a piece of polystyrene, horrible. And how come you suddenly realise you are starving, just because psychologically, you know you can’t eat.
Then came the exciting bit, the drinking of the solution ready for the procedure, and the reason I could not stray too far. Oh my goodness, what an ordeal. I try to look on the bright side of everything so I sat there thinking how all these celebrities pay a fortune for colonic irrigation and there was me getting it for free on the NHS with the self-administration of sachets A and B. I also thought I might lose a few pounds and bear more of a resemblance to a supermodel afterwards, but sadly that did not happen. I did however, lose the will to live slightly and I really do question why anyone would want to do it on voluntary basis, I really can think of a thousand better things to do on a weekend.
The real sting in the tail was that I was the lucky individual who had been given the 8:30am slot on a Sunday morning for the procedure. In an effort to catch up on the backlog the NHS are now conducting these 7 days a week and until 9:30pm on 3 days a week. All well and good I thought, get it done early, until I realised that meant drinking my solution through the night, so basically, I was up all Saturday night, and needed to entertain myself.
It did not help that my current book that I started this weekend is Stanley Tucci, ‘Taste – My Life Through Food’. How ironic is that. The 24 hours I can’t eat anything I’m reading all about Italian food traditions throughout Tucci’s life. A lovely book by the way, but not when you are hungry and fasting. After a few hours reading my book Stanley was not helping my cause so I had to find something else to do.
Another love of my life is music, both playing, listening and singing and I love all types of music. I play flute and piano, but flute much better that piano, but you know what they say, practice makes perfect so I had a couple of hours on my pride and joy, my piano, and by one o’clock in the morning had perfected Mozart’s Menuett in F. I really enjoyed myself as I just don’t get chance to sit and play that much anymore, and I find it so relaxing.
Then out came the ‘pandemic jumper’! I need to tell you about the ‘pandemic jumper’, it is a standing joke in the family that the jumper will never be finished, but I beg to differ. I am going to surprise everyone one day when I turn up wearing the pandemic jumper in all its glory! The pandemic jumper was commenced almost 3 years ago in March 2020. I like to knit and I thank my wonderful Grandma Kathleen again for this life skill. In addition to Saturday baking, we also did knitting and sewing. Knitting has made a bit of a comeback recently but in the past many people have laughed at my love of knitting, it puts years on me apparently, “only old people knit Mum”.
I have long been aware of the benefits of knitting, it’s just a different type of mindfulness, like yoga for the mind. The mind is still, it reduces stress, improves cognitive function etc. etc. So, when good old Boris Johnson announced lockdown I thought, “how am I going to get through that?! I know, I’ll knit a jumper”, and I ordered the pattern and wool online. The only issue is, I’m still knitting the jumper three years later! The jumper’s pattern name is Delilah and she’s not just any old jumper, she’s got a pattern around the top and three different colour wools, talk about biting off more than you can chew, but that’s me all over. Delilah and I have spent many happy hours together but little did I think that we would still be growing together three years later. The problem is she is made of the finest wool, 70% Falkland lamb’s wool and 30% British alpaca. Being so fine in texture, you spend hours knitting and the jumper grows one centimetre. Delilah is now two sleeves, one back and I have now started the front. Then there is only the fancy patterned yoke to do and she’s finished. She will get finished one day and she saved the day this weekend, stopped me going slightly crazy, and grew 3 centimetres. We could well be into another pandemic by the time she is finished but watch this space, I will arrive wearing her one day in the not-too-distant future, much to everyone’s amazement.
Anyway, music, reading and knitting got me through the night and kept my mind busy. Then it was off to the hospital first thing for the procedure. By that time, I was ravenous, tired and not full of the joys of Spring. The nurses were superb and the consultant a lovely man, I mean, you really have to be interested in gastroenterology to do that for a job don’t you! I did warn him if he stood still for too long, I might actually eat him I was so hungry but it was all over relatively quickly in half an hour. I opted to have it without any sedation as I wanted to be up and out of there eating and adventuring immediately after, not under 24-hour supervision. I thought if I can run three and a half miles with a thorn in my shoe, I can tolerate this. There were only a few moments when I thought I might have made the wrong choice but I gritted my teeth and stopped the circulation in the hand of the nurse instead. And the bonus was, if I wanted to, I could watch the whole procedure on the TV positioned straight in front of me! I am being sarcastic on this point. The last thing I wanted to do at 8:30am on a Sunday morning was to watch a 30-minute video screening of my insides. It was quite funny though and demonstrated the consultants absolute love of his subject, he found it quite surprising that I did not want to watch and sort of made it sound as if it was on the shortlist for an Academy Award or BAFTA. Anyway, I hope this is not his nightclub chat up line, but apparently, I have a lovely bowel and an amazing resting pulse of someone years younger than me due to my adventures and running. I’ll add it to the CV along with my recent running competition prize for smiling in the face of adversity whilst battling sore legs and horizontal wind and rain. So, if asked to describe my good points I smile a lot, have a lovely bowel and an amazing heartbeat, but hey, when you get to almost 52, you’ll accept any compliment thrown your way!
Anyway, procedure done, another slice of toast and tea consumed to prove to the discharge nurse I was well and good and I was free to leave. I was told I might not feel able to eat much for the rest of the day. They clearly have misjudged the importance of food in my life! Before I’d even left the hospital, I’d booked a table at my local bistro and then devoured that good old British classic, the Sunday roast with my favourite beef brisket and a Yorkshire pudding. Delicious, finished off with a scoop of Cadbury Crunchie ice cream. Every cloud has a silver lining and I’ll be back onto proper adventuring next weekend! I also had a very exciting 4-day trip to Prague recently. It was lovely and I will find the time to tell you all about that at some point as it should definitely be one for the bucket list if you like European city breaks. Anyway, onwards and upwards!
