Yes that’s right! I’ve been in trouble with the Police.
Now I’m one of those people who has always hated getting into trouble, I’m such a good girl. I was always star pupil at school, the girl with the pigtails in her hair in the choir, the one with the pretty dress and the knee high socks, quiet, shy, you know the one I mean. The worst thing I ever did was get caught hiding in the ditch, walking, in school cross country. It’s only as I get older that I realise I’ve perhaps missed out on being the rebel and I’ve become quite outspoken and adventurous. I think I’m making up for lost time.
This wasn’t a deliberate attempt to get in trouble with the law enforcement, but I’m finding more and more that I’m getting into trouble without trying, and it quite often involves my misuse of technology or running. Well this was nearly the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ as we say and involved both those things, running and my phone. My boys know absolutely nothing about this and if they find out I will never ever live this down. There is a silver lining to this story though so sit tight, it was all worthwhile in the end, even if the policeman did shout at me so loudly I cried.
So what have I been doing………..lots and lots of running. I had this crazy idea that I would enter the Penistone club running championship in the V50 female class. That involves running a minimum of 12 races this year out of a very long list to choose from. 3 road, 3 cross country and 3 fell races must be run as a minimum, and your best 3 scores in each category are those put forward, but you can run more if you want. Once I set my mind to something, I’m on a mission. Anyway, before I tell you about my mishap, and progress so far, here’s something that made me giggle. I have a bit of an obsession with shoes and this made me smile.
It made me smile because Johnny has competition! I know just how Johnny feels, I swear on my life they are all different and I’ve a way to go before I catch Johnny up! There are some for road, some for trail and some for fell. Some well worn, some newer, but they all live in their boxes and are cleaned when they get dirty. There’s a bit of brand loyalty on the running shoe front going on too!
I love shoes! And these are just the running shoes. If you want to know what a person is like you only need to look at two or three things, their eyes, their shoes and their smile. You can tell so much from eyes and smiles but the shoes tell the full story. Now modern technology is good. I’ve never been on a dating website but I can see the benefit. If I were looking for the ideal man I could not be bothered with all this looking for a needle in a haystack and kissing a thousand frogs before you find your prince. I haven’t got the time or patience. I can seriously understand why people just cut to the chase and go on these websites. I would want an extremely good advanced filter mechanism on there though, and am convinced I could get the shortlist down from hundreds to single figures with a few clicks of the mouse, I’m a bit choosy, and shoes would have to be one of the filters. Nice, well kept shoes are a must. Dirty shoes are a definite no! Pay attention to the type of shoe too. Sliders…………no…………he’s either too young for you or he’s having a midlife crisis if he’s got plastic sports sliders on. Anyway I digress. Running shoes sorted and championship entered, I’ve been doing lots of running. Three races in the last two weeks, one in each category.
It’s all about small steps though. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep chipping away at it. First up Herod Farm, the fell race. This will teach me not to look too closely at what I’ve entered. This nearly killed me. “It’s only just over 3 miles”, I thought, easy! Yes, three miles with 1,211 feet of ascent! It was an almost vertical mile and a bit up and an almost vertical mile and a bit down with an itsy bitsy tiny bit of flat on the top. I forgot my buff so my hair was in a race all of its own and I ran for three and a bit miles not being able to see where I was going, finishing 149 out of 162. It was a disaster, but I kept going and finished!
Anyway. I always say to my boys if you get knocked down 7 times just make sure you get up 8. So practicing what I preach, there I was a few days after for round 2. The Higham Hurtle. Now this went much better. This is the cross country one, so I’m in my comfort zone. Give me undulating ups and downs, fields, trails, water, and I’m in running heaven. 5 miles of beautifulness, loads of Strava best efforts, a PB for the mile at 7:46 and half mile at 3:40. Third V50 female and a respectable 44th out of 96 runners. I was buzzing.
That was until I got back to the car and checked my telephone which had been in my running waist belt. There was my voicemail from a very shouty and irate Detective Constable something or other from South Yorkshire Police telling me to stop ringing the emergency number and hanging up and if I really did need emergency police assistance could I please call back on this number. “What on earth is he talking about?”, I thought. I was then horrified to check my phone to discover I had rung the ‘999’ emergency response number 7 times in the space of 6 minutes while racing. The police had then proceeded to text me 3 times and finished by calling me and leaving a voicemail which ended by him saying “we think you might be running”.
I don’t know what made me feel worse. The fact I’d called ‘999’ seven times or the fact that the whole emergency control room had heard me puffing and panting my way around the Higham Hurtle. They finally managed to contact me and I explained that I had absolutely no idea how it had happened, my phone must have been pressed that tight against my body that the screen lock swiped and the emergency call button must have been pressed 7 times over the space of those 6 minutes. I apologised profusely, confirmed I was alive and well, but nevertheless I got a big telling off and felt so small. I’ve decided that my phone will not be coming will me on races where there are plenty of people to pick me up if I fall. It will only come with me when I’m running remotely on my own and it will be safely turned off unless needed. I absolutely cannot let my two boys know about this. They already think I’m dangerous out on my own in charge of a vehicle or mobile technology and this will just confirm all their suspicions about me being a bit of a liability when on my own.
Not wanting to be put off in my quest to be fastest female V50 I was there 6 days later for the Spencer’s Dash. Now this was a Thursday evening race. Not a good day of the week to race. I’ve done 4 full days with 330 children by this point in the week. And it’s a mainly road race and I don’t like running on tarmac. I was exhausted before the start of the race. Anyway, it went ok. I remembered my buff, had a good run and got a second fastest mile. I did look 82 not 52 at the end. But I did manage a smile, or was it a grimace, at the end to the two lovely gents shouting ‘Come on Penistone’ and ‘Well Done Love’ as I literally limped to the finish line after someone in their infinite wisdom stuck a huge hill in the last half mile.
Anyway, the silver lining! The interim results are out for the club championship now the first race in each category has been run and scored. And who is sitting in first V50 female position and third in the whole club………………..oh, gosh, it’s ME!!!!!!!!! You’ve just got to be in it to win it! I’m just going to keep turning up to as many races as possible, putting one 52 year old foot in front of the other, keep eating my body weight in carbs, cake and ice cream and just keep myself out of bother with the police, and what can possibly go wrong!?
But there’s always someone who will rain on your parade isn’t there, or as we say in Yorkshire ‘piss on your bonfire’…………..and my two are just experts at this. I thought, “I know what I’ll do, I’ll send them a screen shot of the club league table with their own dear Mother in third place. They’ll be so proud.” These are the responses I got:
George by the way is currently the very fast 5 minute mile runner in first place. I doubt very much he will be sweating with me in third place! It’s nice to know however, how much faith my boys have in my running ability. “How’s that happened then?” and “How are you 3rd?”. No sign of a “Well done Mother, we are so proud of you.” Neither do they know how much trouble I’ve got myself into with the police in pursuit of super stardom.
I could be put off by my mishaps, and stay indoors, but no, I’m going to keep going one step at a time. This could be a real life version of the hare and the tortoise! Watch this space, make way, old lady coming through! So the messages in this post are: your never too old; keep going one step at a time; getting knocked down is ok, just make sure you get up again; and DO NOT run with a mobile phone tightly packed in a waist belt. Onwards and upwards!